by David K. Seitz
Over the past twenty years, research on same-sex parenting has exploded. Today we know a great deal about the children (the “Heather Has Two Mommies” generation, if you will). We know that Heather is well liked. We know that Heather is on the honor roll. Odds are Heather is getting along just fine.
But what about those mommies? How are they faring, and how did they—as a couple, as individuals, as lesbians, as women, as workers—negotiate the transition to parenthood in the first place?
Until very recently—and in sharp contrast to middle-class heterosexual transitions to parenthood, which are very well studied—no one really knew.
Enter Dr. Abbie E. Goldberg. Currently an assistant professor of psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts, Goldberg is at the forefront of research on the transition to parenthood in understudied communities.
Having recently completed a four-year study on new lesbian mothers, Goldberg is currently studying the transition to adoptive parenthood among both same- and opposite-sex couples. For that work, the American Psychological Foundation awarded her the prestigious Wayne F. Placek grant, which rewards scientific scholarship that enhances public understanding of homosexuality and LGBT quality of life.
Beyond the esoteric value of gathering data in an understudied area, Goldberg says she felt drawn to the study of lesbian transitions to parenthood by specific questions, particularly regarding gender and the division of parental responsibility within couples. Her findings, she says, were mixed.
“Some couples were really successful in creating very egalitarian, satisfying parental roles for themselves, and there were some couples that became more segregated,” she says. “For some couples, chores and parental roles were divvied up according to biology. The nonbiological mothers were, in their own words, taking on more of a ‘fatherly’ role.”
But, she was quick to add, “it’s important to note that this does not mean that they’re reproducing heterosexuality; they’re giving their own meaning to what looks like a more heterosexual division of labor. If it works for them, that’s great, but what’s important is that it works for them.”
One related finding from the lesbian couples study that Goldberg says surprised her was the change in how children engaged with their biological and nonbiological moms over time.
“For many families, there was an initial tendency for children to prefer their biological moms,” Goldberg says. “So I wanted to find out: was that stable, or had it changed? I found that as time has gone on, things have changed. By the time they were three, children were demonstrating more of an equivalent preference for both mothers. They would cry out to both parents. Maybe it would be for different reasons, maybe at different times of day, but there was instability in children’s preferences.”
Gender intricacies aside, Goldberg says the conclusion that may surprise “mainstream” audiences—though it’s no surprise to her—is a simple one.
“These are just parents,” she says. “The focus of the interviews is not on them as lesbian parents, but as parents. The couples that have broken up have broken up over things that heterosexual couples break up for.
“Some of their parental experiences are different because of the fact that they are parenting as two women. But mostly, their concerns are day-to-day. It’s dealing with temper tantrums, trying to figure out what daycare to go to, trying to take care of the kids and get enough sleep and work.”
Goldberg, herself newly married and no stranger to the parenting culture as an aunt and godmother, can surely relate. She feels research, though rigorous, is no lofty pursuit, but an exploration and documentation of the everyday.
“It’s very real to me,” she says. “Our closest female friends are a couple who are having a child. It’s not this sort of ‘out there’ interesting phenomenon; it’s part of my life.”
At the same time, Goldberg is aware of the tangible impact work such as hers can have on society at large at a time when the right of same-sex couples to parent is not guaranteed.
“The important thing is to generate data, so people are not free to make up their own conclusions,” Goldberg says. “Twenty years ago, lesbians’ children were taken away in courts because they were assuming that they were unfit parents. In the past twenty years, there’s been a surge of research in this area, and I have no doubt that this data has helped to change the legal picture for lesbian couples.
“I welcome people to do this work. I think more and more people should be doing this research. For anyone, you do what you have to do, in the hopes that it will change the universe.”
Goldberg also welcomes first-time adoptive parents (in same- or opposite-sex couples) to participate in her current ongoing study, the Transition to Adoptive Parenthood Project. The short-term longitudinal study, which entails several questionnaires, a pre-adoptive interview, a post–child placement interview, and a final follow-up after one year, examines everything from parents’ motivations to how they cope with the often nerve-wracking adoption process to how they negotiate numerous competing responsibilities.
To date, Goldberg has found and interviewed gay, lesbian, and straight couples representing thirty different states, a broad swath of the economic spectrum, and both private and public adoptions. Continued engagement of diversity not only gives meaning to findings of her current project, but, Goldberg says, gives her inspiration to look ahead. Indeed, her work on lesbian parents emerged out of a study of lower-income heterosexual parents. Now Goldberg says she wants to continue to study adoptive parents, particularly transracial adoption and adopting or parenting by older couples. She also has written a book, titled Gay and Lesbian Parents and Their Children: Research and Contemporary Issues, due out in 2009.
Whatever direction she chooses, two things are certain: the territory will be uncharted, and Goldberg will jump right in.
“I’ve had wonderful mentors who’ve been able to show me that you can be a researcher and simultaneously be passionate about what you’re studying,” she says. “They’re not mutually exclusive.”
© 2007 by David K. Seitz, and published by Rainbow Rumpus. All rights reserved.
